“I like mine pink but not bloody, just a touch more to the rare side of medium.” Sadly for them, a line cook with twenty steaks on the grill doesn’t have time for an existential conversation about how each individual steak is cooked. Some diners describe the way they like their meat cooked in abstract terms. We usually choose the path of least resistance, but taking the high road requires us to prostrate ourselves before untoward guests. The customer is not always right and, when these things happen, the staff is faced with the inevitable dead end of having to confront someone’s meritless complaints. “My cappuccino isn’t hot enough” (no… a properly made cappuccino isn’t supposed to be scalding). “These clams are too salty” ( no… they have natural salinity). “My pasta is undercooked” (no… actually it’s perfectly al dente). When a guest doesn’t like something because he thinks the dish is improperly cooked, it’s more complicated. You take the dish away and replace it with a refurbished one or you offer alternatives. When a guest doesn’t like the way a dish tastes, it’s easy. The whole ordeal was a reminder of how often in hospitality we’re expected to show deference to ignorant people. The guest agreed and, of course, was annoyed by the wait and underwhelmed by the second iteration. So, I returned to the table and, on the chef’s behalf, suggested we prepare the steak medium well instead. It would also take an extra twenty-five minutes to cook. ![]() He explained the obvious that re-firing the steak would yield exactly the same result. You could hear the chef’s blood pressure rising as he stared blankly at the dehydrated Filet. The silence in the kitchen was deafening. I told the chef that the guest wanted the steak remade, juicier this time. I brought the dish back to the kitchen bracing for the inescapable moment where the chef needs an explanation for the inexplicable. Only a person who doesn’t see you as an equal would offer you his leftovers. To prove that it was dry, he offered me a taste of his steak-one of my pet peeves because I find it insulting to be offered someone’s half-eaten food. He pointed to the dark crust on the outside that was studded aggressively with black pepper and explained that it also shouldn’t be burnt (it wasn’t). Everyone-except this guy, apparently-knows that Filet Mignon has very little fat and should not be served past medium rare. But before I could even respond, he launches into a five-minute diatribe about how a properly cooked well done steak should still be juicy. His complaint, predictably, was that the steak was dry. ![]() On an otherwise smooth night, a guest summoned me to his table in a panic because he was disappointed with the Filet Mignon he had ordered well done.
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